Should I keep my baby?

It was bound to happen. Two young “adults” alone, at night, completely unaccountable to anyone. We had both taken a long break from dating. Me, because I wanted time to grow, so my relationships in the future would be more healthy. Him, because he and his previous girlfriend were expecting and she had miscarried, breaking his heart.

After talking on the phone, going on walks, attending group functions, we graduated to spending time alone. It wasn’t very long before I had that scary realization that I just might be pregnant. When I was ten days late, (TEN DAYS LATE!), I let him in on the emotional roller coaster ride. This was a real blow to him because he knew better than either of us that premarital sex was the last thing he should be doing. He voiced over the phone that this whole thing had been wrong, and that he didn’t even love me. I didn’t take offense at his statement because “loving” him hadn’t even occurred to me until now.

Alone at work one evening, I was wrestling with wanting what was best. What young lady doesn’t love the child within her? I didn’t want to miss the experience of having a baby. I also knew it seemed impossible for me to be able to raise a child on my own. I was barely making ends meet as it was.

I read a page from a booklet of daily inspirational messages (a devotional) about accepting God’s will, His best for everyone concerned, and at that moment I accepted just that, God’s will, whatever it was.

I wasn’t experienced at talking to God…praying…but this booklet said I could talk to Him, and that I should tell Him I was willing to go along with His way of handling this situation, and then completely trust Him with the future.

I spoke the words, “God, please do what’s best for Jim, for me, and for this baby, if there is one inside of me.” Believe it or not (seeing was believing for me!), at that same moment I started my period!

I didn’t think about being happy or sad about not being pregnant. I had just seen a miracle! The only thing that was important was that God Himself had reached down into my minuscule (previously unbelieving) life and had shown an interest in what I was experiencing. At the precise moment when I had reached acceptance…peace…and asked him to do what was best, He did! Was he waiting for me to get to that point, or would it have happened this way anyway?

Whether or not a baby had ever existed inside of me up to this point, it didn’t exist now, and I was okay with that, because God was okay with that.

Very soon after, I became a Christian. Sold out. On Fire. In love with the Jesus of the Bible!

Very soon after, Jim gave up whatever amount of sobriety he had accumulated and heaped more guilt on his head for being such a rotten person that he would dare to give in to temptation.

Where are you now? You didn’t know Christ would use you in such a profound way to reach another one of his little ones and bring them into his flock. I wish I could tell you what a difference you made in my life. One comment in particular that you made will never leave my memory. I didn’t really understand it at the time, and I wonder if you really did either: “Don’t you think that’s Christ trying to get your attention?” He has my full attention now.

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