I went to the Al-Anon meeting that night, not really wanting to think or talk about the alcoholic in my life. Yeah, the focus of the meeting is supposed to be on the step or tradition that has been set for the night’s topic. I know. I know! It’s not about me and my problems right then and there. I have to learn patience and wait until after the meeting to talk about me and get some help with what’s pressing on my mind, and deep in my heart.
It was so hard to concentrate. We went through all the normal housekeeping stuff, the regular readings that had to take place so they would stay deeply ingrained in us and never be forgotten. I knew it forward and backward. The exact topic that night has long since left my memory, but the anxiety of listening and waiting will never be forgotten.
The talking went on and on, and then suddenly the chairperson said, “What do you think?” and she was talking to me. I explained that I was going to have to pass because I had too much on my mind, and was just waiting to discuss it with someone after the meeting.
Who would I share my problem with? Of the few people around this table, which one was right for me? Who could I trust, and who seemed to have the best answers for life’s problems? The man was out. That’s all there was to it. I wasn’t going to pour my story out to him. Nuh uh, no way. One woman was too new to ask suggestions of. It was a small meeting that night and that left only three women to choose from. One, the chairperson for the night, had to leave right away, and that was fine with me. She was kind of bossy, but pretended to be a mother figure to me (sickening sweet and condescending), since I was the only young adult in the group…the only single person for that matter. They were all going to meetings because their spouses were alcoholics, but my alcoholic was my mom.
My story was completely different than any other I had heard at meetings, with the exception of the Alateen meetings I had gone to before I graduated to adulthood. Some of those stories were actually worse than mine! I can remember one girl who had to sneak to Alateen meetings because if her dad found out she would be in big trouble. Obviously, he was the alcoholic, and hadn’t yet accepted and admitted his problem, the problem he was making for his whole family. My mom wanted me to go to meetings so we could all work on our family problems together, was as individuals, but at the same time.
Of the two ladies left to choose from, I had always liked one of them and thought she had a great attitude about life. The other was kind of quiet…super nice, but quiet. She always left me wondering what she was thinking of me, and my oh my…what she would think of me when she heard what I had to say!
These two were in the kitchen, quietly trying to decide who was going to take me on. They probably knew the winner would end up being my Sponsor and had to consider how much time they had to devote to that responsibility. As it turned out, it was the one I was hoping for.
After closing up the meeting house, we walked to the parking lot together. I hadn’t yet told her exactly what this horrible problem was. She said she needed to get home to her family, but could talk on the phone shortly after she got everything at home settled. We agreed that I would call her in 30 minutes, and headed for our cars.
Tags: 12 steps, AA, Al-Anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, born again Christian, condescending, i need help, serenity prayer, sponsor, traditions
